Here is something that does not get said enough: negotiation is not a personality trait. It is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and improved regardless of how uncomfortable it feels the first time you try.
When I was raising capital for my first company, I closed my first round well below what a comparable company with a different founder would have commanded. If I was not an Indigenous queer woman, I would have gotten more, at a better valuation.
I am not telling that story to be bitter about it. I am telling it because I think a lot of people reading this have their own version of it. A moment where they accepted less than they deserved, not because they did not know their worth, but because asking for more felt too risky, too presumptuous, or too much like becoming someone they were told not to be.
That ends here.
Research from Harvard Business School found that women are significantly less likely than men to initiate salary negotiations. And when they do negotiate, they ask for less. For Indigenous and BIPOC individuals, the dynamic compounds. You are navigating systems that were not built for you, asking rooms that may already have doubts about you to trust you with more. The instinct to minimize the ask, to make yourself easier to say yes to, is not weakness. It is a rational response to a system with uneven consequences.
But here is the thing: under-asking has its own cost. The gap between what you ask for and what you could have asked for compounds over time in salary, in funding, in partnership terms, in the value you assign your own time and expertise. Playing it safe is not actually safe. It is just a slower loss.
BATNA stands for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. It was developed by Harvard negotiation experts Roger Fisher and William Ury, and it is the single most important concept to understand before you walk into any negotiation.
Your BATNA is simply this: what is the best option available to you if this negotiation fails? If this investor says no, what is your next best move? If this salary offer does not come through, what are you walking toward instead of away from?
Here is why it matters so much: the strength of your BATNA determines the strength of your position. When you have a strong alternative, you negotiate differently. You ask for more. You hold your ground. You walk away from bad deals instead of accepting them out of desperation.
How to use it: Before any significant negotiation, ask yourself three questions.
Most people wait to hear what the other party offers before they say a number. This feels safer. It is not.
Anchoring is the negotiation principle that whoever states a number first shapes the entire conversation that follows. Research consistently shows that the first number put on the table — the anchor — has a disproportionate influence on where the negotiation lands, even when both parties know the anchor is a starting point.
For underrepresented folx, the impulse to let the other side go first often comes from the same place as under-asking: a fear of overstepping, of asking for more than you will be given. But when you let the other side set the anchor, you are handing over one of your most powerful tools before the conversation even starts.
How to use it:
You deserve what you really want. Now go get it!
